medicine log: Is Anybody There? Does Anybody Care?

The following is a copy of a letter that I sent to a friend recently. And the reason I’m sharing it here on line in my Journal is because it is the best explanation that I possibly have for why I don’t really believe I should continue writing publicly anymore in my Journal. And it is probably the best explanation I have been able to come up with as to why I only now publish articles regarding abortion. And how my mother was rudely murdered in 1950. And how no one has come forward from the Christian or Catholic communities to either explain why she was murdered or say that they are sorry she was killed, or to offer their services of investigating her murder.

And so consequently I’m sharing this e-mail to this friend here, because I just believe that it really is a very good explanation for why I am having difficulty in feeling comfortable to continue to post any Journal entries on line. The level of hatred that there is now online for like myself, with me being a half breed Jew, and mentally ill, and terminally disabled, and extremely intelligent, and a transgendered female, is now so extremely pronounced with so many people taking so much pride in their hatred that they feel and have, that I am truly left feeling quite unsure as to any real purpose for my continuance in any journalistic effort I might make online.

And so, as I said, that is why and sharing e-mail to this friend here online. Because I firmly believe that it is as I have just said, the best explanation for my current intellectual position regarding any continuance online of my journalistic efforts.

Dear XXX,

Thank you very much for the wonderfully kind response. I guess part of the reason I get some negative is because I am a child abuse survivor. And because all my life. People have called me a failed abortion because my birth mother was basically murdered as a result of her health failing while I was being born. And I tend to believe that people read my journal online. Not because they care about what I write but because they don’t like what I’m writing. And so they read my Journal in order to find ways of using what I write against me. As I have been saying over the last several days, no one from the Christian or Catholic community has come forward to either say they were sorry that my mother was murdered in 1950, or asking why she was murdered, let alone to offer to investigate why she was killed. And so on the one hand, I feel that if I continued to write publicly in my Journal that I’m doing a disservice to my mother. By not demanding that someone come forward and explain why she was killed. At the same time. I do understand what you’re saying in that sharing what I write can be of great benefit.

It’s a struggle. I really don’t get any kind of feedback hardly at all from people online to indicate that anyone really likes my writing. So I never really know. I mean, these are the very last years that I’m going to live in this world. And all my life I’ve been pushed around. And have allowed myself to be intimidated. The scientific information I have presented to you is part of a very controversial theory, regarding sub particle activity. And this theory is one that has been looked on with a great deal of disdain by the general scientific community for a long time. And yet the theory that I am postulating and supporting is only partially mine. It actually was first articulated and postulated by Wolfgang Pauli. It was then advanced by Adrian Dobbs. And in my correspondence to Dr. JB Rhine, I discovered that Dr. Rhine, with regard to his work on the Tesseract, also subscribed, to a great extent, to the Wolfgang Pauli theory of multidimensional relationships of sub particle sequencing and accelerations.

A lot of times when I try to write online. I tend to believe I’m not getting any kind of real support. Because I don’t see any. And so it becomes very easy for me to feel downtrodden. And like I’m out there alone. And so consequently, I had that feeling like nobody really cares. I have lived with physical and emotional pain for over 40 years now. And, a lot of the time. When I write online, I am simply just extremely tired of never getting a single break from the pain. Just as I am tired of always being referred to by so many in the world as a failed abortion. I mean, the reality is that my mother, meaning my birth mother, was dying as a result of being a hunchback. Like me. And on the morning of December 30, 1950. She went into labor and walked to Columbus General Hospital. Upon arriving, she was told to get out because she was in out of wedlock pregnant woman. So, still in labor, she walked to white cross hospital where the nuns were basically running a baby mill. And as they simply let her die. They basically cut her open. And then sold me on the black market. They basically threw her away and never gave her a death certificate.

And so for years I’ve been hoping that someone who reads my writing would come forward from either the Christian or Catholic community at the very least. Say they were sorry, but no one has. And so about a week ago, when I found that if I was not posting on my Journal quite a bit, that the numbers dropped dramatically, I began to feel like. The only reason that they were a number of readers reading a Journal was when they felt that I could be entertainment for them. But that no one was really reading my Journal. Because the wanted to because if they did, that someone would at least be responding. And no one usually ever does respond. So again I end up feeling like nobody really cares.

And if nothing else, I am a writer. And writers are the type of people who cannot exist in environment where nobody wants to read their writing. Because writers write. So that others will read what they write. And that no one is reading what they write and the writers feel. Why should they write? And so as a result of everything I have said. Now I only post couple of articles every day all dealing with abortion. And all asking the same question of why no one is coming forward to say either the air sorry that my mother was murdered or asking why she was or offering to investigate her murder. I don’t have the emotional stamina at my advanced age to keep trying to believing in myself in the face of so much hatred that now exists on the Internet for people like myself. And this is especially true when I don’t ever really get any kind of positive feed back, from hardly anyone, regarding anything that I write.

So now I generally write privately on my computer. Because I just don’t believe the Internet cares very much anymore for what I write. Because no one is telling me that they have any interest in what I write. And the only one who is shown any interest in any event, I have written lately, is a schoolteacher here in Cleveland, who happens to be teaching a class on Cleveland history. And is interested in me telling him about my grandfather who was quite famous. But again, that’s just someone else kind of heat off of what I write. And not really trying to support me for what I’m writing. And I’m just so very tired of being used.

And for all these reasons, I just don’t believe anymore that writing online is going to do any good. Because I don’t see any real or genuine interest in what I’m writing, much less any kind of genuine support.

Thank you very much for your very kind and compassionate response. It really does mean a deal to me. Perhaps I’ll share what I have read to you with the online community to see if anyone really does care at all.

In order for me to continue writing online. I would have to see some concrete indication that someone on line, really wanted me to continue writing. And I don’t get that indication at all. And what most people don’t understand when they see someone like mice elf is how I can, while having a very increased intelligence, at the same time suffer with such horribly low self-esteem. But I do. And it is a struggle and I have waged all of my life. And currently, given the environment of hatred that is being promoted by the Republican Party and Christian conservatives for every single type of human being that lives in this world other than people who are strictly white and Christian and Republican, who are men; given the fact that the Republicans and the Christian conservatives like only people who are men and who are white and Christian and Republican, it becomes very clear to me that it’s going to be very difficult for me to find, who will think that I have any value at all. And if they do find that I have value. It will be very difficult for them to say so. Because if they show any allegiance to me in any way, the Christian conservatives and the Republicans will rush to do everything they can to destroy that person and their career and their family. Because of how much hatred the Republicans and Christian conservatives have for anyone who is not a white fundamentalist Christian. And a man and a Republican. Because those of the only people that Republican white fundamentalist Christians like are men who are Republican and white and Christian everyone else the Republicans hate with a bitter passion. Just like the Christian conservatives hate anyone who is not white and a man and Christian and Republican those of the only creatures in the entire universe, the Christian conservatives and the Republican Party, by their own admission, several times over, at any respect or fondness for.

So if suddenly the Christian conservatives, and Republican Party say that’s not true. They need to be advised that I have over 5000 news articles showing that the Christian conservatives, and Republican Party take every single type of human being in the world, who is not a white man. And who is not a Republican and Christian. 5000 articles I have showing clearly how the Republicans and Christian conservatives hate every single type of urchin in the entire world, unless they are a man who is white and the Christian conservative and Republican. So for them to say that what I’m saying is not true, would be a mistake. Because I have 5000 news articles of their own admission showing how much hatred they have for every single type of human in this world, who is not white man, who is not Christian and Republican.

I have those articles. Because no matter what happens even if I have to do so after I die I will show the world that the Christian conservatives Republican Party have nothing but complete and total hatred for every single kind of creature that God made here in the world, unless that creature is a man who is white and Christian and Republican. I will prove to the world that the Christian conservatives Republican Party are predicated on the most efficient and profound hatred for every aspect of anything that God ever created. Because of their own shallow and very bigoted and racist and prejudiced attitude. Like I said, it would be a mistake for the Christian conservatives, and Republican Party to say that it’s not true that they hate everyone. It would be a very serious mistake, because I have many many articles like I said, 5000 news articles, showing very clearly that with their own words, the Christian conservatives are declaring along with the Republicans are declaring with their own words that they hate every single kind of human being in this world, unless that person is a man who is a Christian conservatives and Republican and white. Because that is the only kind of human that the Christian conservatives and Republicans will ever like or have any respect for by their own words and admission.

So given this fact that the Christian conservatives Republican Party have basically declared war on all of humanity and said that they will kill every human in this world because of their hatred for all of us. How my supposed to feel safe to write in my journal? Are my supposed to feel like I’m wanted here in the world with the Christian conservatives, and Republican Party are declaring every single day that they hate every kind of creature that God made unless that creature is a white van, who is the Christian and Republican? How my supposed to feel like I have any value in this world and all?

And like I said, nobody from the Christian or Catholic community has come forward in the 59 years I’ve lived here in this world, not one Catholic and not one Christian has ever come forward either say they were sorry that my mother was murdered in 1950 or to ask why she was murdered. Or even to investigate why she was killed. Not one. And that speaks volumes about how much hatred the Christians and the Catholics have for me, who in their minds is nothing but a failed abortion. Because that is exactly how the Christian conservatives and the Republican Party and Catholics and Jews have referred to me my entire life. Regardless of any pro-life stand, they may take they have always referred to me like I was nothing but a failed abortion. And I don’t see anyone on the Internet rushing forward to countermand that claim. I don’t see anyone rushing forward to say something nice about me. So again, why should I continue?

Annotations Regarding Non-Pro-Life Activities Of The Republican Party And The Christian Conservatives And The Catholics Of The United States:

The Christian conservatives and the Catholics don’t ever want to be responsible for the fact that since 78% of the United States is pro-life Christian that basically means that 78% of all the women and children murdered in the United States are killed by pro-life Christians and Catholics. It also means that Christians in United States are demanding that the world understand that to them being pro-life means killing, because while the Christian conservatives and Catholics are demanding that everyone understand they are pro-life. They are with their own actions, supporting a number of forms of killing.

78% of all the women murdered in the United States are killed by pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the children abused in the United States are abused by pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the children murdered in the United States are murdered by pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the murders that take place in the United States are committed by pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the soldiers in the United States, who go out and kill are pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of the membership of the National Rifle Association (The NRA ), which support GUNS THAT KILL are pro-life Christians and Catholics.
Every single white supremacist group in the history of United States has always been white fundamentalist pro-life Christian. And these white supremacist groups are dedicated to killing anyone who is not white and Christian.
The Army of God is a white fundamentalist Christian group who is dedicated to murdering and killing every single nonwhite Christian in the United States.
78% of all the people who favor and support the death penalty meaning killing people for committing crimes are pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the ministers in the United States who carry firearms to church and are threatening to kill anyone who comes near the church was not white and Christian are pro-life Christians and Catholics.
78% of all the crimes against gay people in the United States are done by pro-life Christians and Catholics.
Every month between one and two transgendered females are murdered and every single one of these killings is done by pro-life Christian.
White fundamentalist Christians were the ones who demand the right to own black Americans and to kill them whenever they wanted to during the signing of the The Declaration of Independence.
White fundamentalist Christians were the ones who took over the Republican Party during the battle of Washington and try to overthrow the United States government under president Hoover at the battle of Washington in 1932.
White fundamentalist Christians were the ones who took over the Republican Party on the evening before the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation during the American Civil War. And who then used the Republican Party to hire John Wilkes Booth to murder President Abraham Lincoln.

When you have all these forms of killing being supported by pro-life Christians and Catholics it’s easy to understand that the pro-life Christians and Catholics are demanding that everyone else be responsible for their own actions. But the white fundamentalist Christians and Catholics under no circumstances want to be responsible for anything they do because they are demanding that the entire world understand that to them being pro-life means killing, because that’s what they support killing. That’s why that those who claim to be pro-life are now becoming known as nothing more than, “Killers For Christ”. And of course it the white fundamentalist Christians and Catholics don’t like what I’m saying or want to take exception to what I’m saying they need to disprove everything that follows, and every single item in my see also section below.

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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Is Anybody There? Does Anybody Care?

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